There's a part of me that's angry. And this part of myself is especially angry at God. Can I say that? Am I even allowed?

I think I am.

As Christians, we should be the first ones to be honest and admit this to others and the world at large during certain seasons of our lives. But it's not easy, is it, especially in our Christian circles to do so. It feels like we are breaking some unspoken rule. Like how you should never root against your father's favorite football team on his birthday, or dislike a bride's wedding dress on her big day. This same sort of silent social construct appears whenever we as Christians dare to admit this sort of rage against our God out loud in our various church bodies.

Yet, being angry at God is a normal response in the world we live in. I mean, after all, God created the entire range of human emotions from joy to anger, knowing that at times, we, His children, would get angry with Him and vice versa. Jesus, in fact, got so angry at what was being done in the temple that He drove out the money changers with a whip during the days leading up to His crucifixion.

Sadly, for some reason, in our modern charismatic circles, being angry at God is not something that is ever discussed or even taught about. This leads us to not deal with our anger towards God properly. So, whenever we find ourselves angry at God, we often feel at a loss as to what to do.

You might be wondering, "How then should we approach being angry with God?" First, confess it.

Confession is such a powerful and undervalued tool for us Christians. Tell our Heavenly Father honestly how you are feeling. It is okay. Don't use your Christianese. He is more than able to handle your rage. Not only should you confess your anger towards God to Him, but also let your fellow Christians know what you are going through. This is part of our calling as fellow believers, to bear one another's burdens, as Paul says in one of his letters.

For example, I am angry with God for all those National Day of Prayer Services and revival meetings I attended when I was younger. I earnestly believed for a couple of them that there would be a revival, and that God would heal America. Yet it hasn't happened. I showed up, so why didn't He? And why did I waste my precious time? 

Furthermore, I am angry with God concerning my track record when it comes to praying for the sick. Most don't get better. In fact, if I'm being honest, my prayers for your healing are probably a death sentence at this point. God normally ignores my pleas with a resounding and continuous silence.

Lastly, I get angry at God for what He has taken away from me. I no longer possess the ability to really bless people anymore. I can inform you. I can entertain you. But that's all. Being able to be an actual blessing to someone is something that is far beyond my grasp at this present point in my life, and I wonder why God has taken away that gift which used to come to me so naturally in my twenties and early thirties.

Now, after confessing your anger like I just did, the next step is to ask people to pray for you. Specifically, have them ask the Holy Spirit to remind you of all the times He has been faithful to you. Because He will. It says in the Bible that the Holy Spirit is our helper. And since this is indeed so, He will know exactly what memory or word to bring to the surface of our minds if we are willing. There is a verse in the book of Deuteronomy that perfectly testifies to this which says, "But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart." The key phrase, of course, is searching for Him with all your heart. If we are willing, there is no way we won't find God. Our Heavenly Father won't allow it.

Next in sequence, after confessing our anger and allowing the Holy Spirit to remind us of God's faithfulness, we need to be patient as we wrestle with the two distinct realities we face in this broken world of ours.

A: God is our very loving Father who is in total control.

B: Horrible and evil things will happen to us and to our loved ones at some point without our knowledge or consent, despite our church attendance, Scripture memorization, time spent in prayer, and all our acts of good deeds and service to the church.

Furthermore, not only will these evil things happen to us and our loved ones, but God will often appear silent and unresponsive in these darkest hours. I really loved this quote from C.S. Lewis that emphasizes this point quite poignantly:

"But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is in vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and the sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that silence. You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become. There are no lights in the windows. It might be an empty house. Was it even inhabited? It seemed so once. And that seeming was as strong as this. What can this mean? Why is He so present a commander in our time of prosperity and so very absent a help in time of trouble?"

This sentiment Lewis is expressing is by no means unbiblical. We see these same sort of feelings echoed by our Savior first in the Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus is literally sweating blood, and then on the cross where He cried out, "My God, My God. Why have You forsaken Me?" This despair, dare I say this anger, that I am currently experiencing is an acute part of the Christian Walk, which like I said previously, we will all face at one point or another in our lives.

On the other hand, our despair and our honest anger are not, if I'm being totally transparent, the only facet of our Christian life whenever we are going through our seasons of rage. For God is also good. He is our Prince of Peace. A Mighty Counselor. Our Everlasting Father. The Alpha and Omega. He is aligning everything to fit inside His Holy and Perfect Will. By the blood on the cross, we are forgiven and totally healed. He is coming back again to judge the living and the dead. We have a heavenly home where every tear will be wiped away.

All of the truths above, and more that I am unable to fit in here, are still true despite my circumstances, just like how water freezes at 32°F or how gravity keeps me from floating out into space. These laws are self-evident and all sustaining. My rage does not change these natural laws, nor do they obliterate God's spiritual truths mentioned above even though I desperately wish it so. 

Where does this leave us, then? It leaves us in a place where, just like Tamar in Genesis 38, we might be broken and abused physically, mentally, and spiritually by the cruel, unforgiving world we live in. Barely able to think straight, we are just hoping to survive the day. All our tears and prayers have long since dried up. Yet, we also must remember what it says in Hebrews 11:1,

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

Tamar didn't know it. Nor could she ever comprehend, prophesy, or forsee it, but she, in the midst of her brutal, horrible life, would actually become one of the great grandparents of Jesus. Her life's narrative arc was redeemed. So too must we continue to believe in our lives as well. As Martin Luther King said once,

"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice."

And as the Apostle John wrote in Revelation 21, 

"The I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old earth had disappeared. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."

It may not seem like much. But it may be just everything.